Soul

What You Should Be Before You Tie The Knot

In Indian context, for a woman, one of the biggest milestones of her life is marriage. It is important for women all over the world, but more so in the Indian subcontinent. The thought of being tied in wedlock by a certain age is so innate, that all our actions revolve around it. I have met women from different walks of life, and come 20s, all their relatives and friends, neighbours and parents begin to worry about her “future” and her “biological clock”. The fact that our society has always been so pushy and screwed-up in its approach to marriage, a lot of women never even begin to realize what they are as a person, what their dreams are, what their potential is, and what they even seek from the partnership of marriage. Here are some of the things a woman must be before she decides to be with a person for the rest of her life. These things are true for men as well. In fact they hold for every adult. But today, let’s focus on women.

  1. Be self-aware: Be aware of what you are. What makes you, you? Is it your profession you identify yourself with? Your love for animals? Your passion for reading or playing a sport? Be aware of your being and try to discover yourself. It is true that this is a lifelong process and you keep discovering facets of your personality as you have more experiences in your life. However, what are you as of now? And what would you like to become? What are your deepest values? On which of these values would you never compromise? How important is honesty to you? How important is fidelity? What are your deepest desires from life? These are some questions you should know answers to.                                                                                                                          
  2. Be open-minded: Become more open minded than you already are. Know about the worldly things. Read and understand that there are different types of people with different opinions. Develop your own opinions on important matters. Become more tolerant as a person. Yes, this may come handy in understanding the views and opinions of your in-laws, but this tolerance will make you a better person, in general.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
  3. Be confident: Have confidence in your capabilities. Know your worth as a person. It is important for you to realize that you are unique and beautiful, and even if a person or a companion is not by your side to verify the fact for you, you should remain just as confident and self-assured.                                                                             
  4. Be level headed: Be well balanced in your thoughts and actions. If you think you are an over-spender, consciously try to reduce that. If you think you take rash decisions, be more thoughtful while doing so. Don’t wait for marriage to drill sense into that head of yours. Because no, it won’t.                                                                             
  5. Be independent: Earn your own money. However little you may consider it to be, but never depend on another person financially. Even if you end up marrying a millionaire, any self-respecting person would never ask for a husband’s credit card to buy that fancy bag or branded sunglasses. Also, learn to save money and invest some too for the grey days of life. It should not be your dad or your husband taking care of your finances. Though it is good to take advice, but you should have a fair idea about saving schemes and benefits available through each. Also, you will learn to value money and then not end up spending your/your partner’s or your parents’ savings stupidly on the wedding and that designer lehenga.                                                                             
  6. Be responsible for your happiness and know what makes you happy: If you don’t know it already, it is better that you know how to deal with a bad bout of anger or sadness instead of expecting your partner to cheer you up. Yes, he should also help you overcome those days, but not every time. Be responsible for your feelings and learn how to cheer yourself up. It could be as simple as realizing that you need to go take a walk in the park or shut the world out with a book to cheer you up, but you should be consciously aware of these methods.                                                                                                                                                                                
  7. Be demanding/ know what you what from your partner: It does not matter what kind of marriage you opt for (knowing that we live in the times of love as well as arranged marriages). You must know what kind of support you seek from a partner. Apart from emotional support in difficult times, you must know if you want him (I wish to write him/her, but alas, section 377) to push you in certain areas to bring out the best in you. You should know if you want him to help you hone certain aspects of your personality, making you more confident in certain matters, or making you financially more independent.                                                                             
  8. Know why you want to get married: Societal pressure should never coax you into taking this crucial step in your life. You should have a good reason to get married. Is it because you love a person and want to begin living with him? Is it because you are seeking emotional support? Or is it only to make your parents shut up or have an early retirement from your job? If your answers don’t sound good enough to you, it is not the time to get married but take a hard look at your life.

A woman, before she ties the knot, must be one thing: a whole person. We as women should never think of ourselves as halves, searching for the “better-half” to come and complete our world and life. We are remarkable women, each in our own right, not seeking a man’s validation or presence to fulfill our lives. There is no right age to tie the knot. But there is a right moment to be a person you are proud of being, and that is right now. Once you become that person, life would be more enriching and meaningful, with marriage or without.

About the author

POORVA SADANA

10 Comments

  • Wonderfully scripted! I think when you put these things in such a simple and lucid manner, people find it more relatable. I loved the “section 377” line :p and of course, every word of it is true and as logical as our dear society wants people to be (but falls short on many accounts- especially women and their marriage) loved it! You go girl! 😊

    • Thank you so much for all your beautiful words 🙂 they mean so much! Of course, we as women need to begin changing our thinking and attitude, and I have just translated all that in this piece. I’m glad you liked it 🙂

  • You chose a beautiful yet an highly ignored a topic of our society to write. So kudos to you for that itself.

    I wish, that our generation and the ones to come absorb the reality. In the name of culture, may they not be forced into getting married when they aren’t even ready mentally for it. That it not be the main reason for educating our daughters. That they not be stressed about finding a match when they are studying or working as it will happen eventually or whenever it has to happen. I wish, like you said a girl should identify herself as to what makes her, her? How can she define herself. To be honest,I wasn’t as smart like I am expecting other to be 10 years ago when I was 20. But it is important to be aware even at 20 as 20 isn’t a small number. I could have done stupid things in my life if it wasn’t for my parents teaching me what is right and what is wrong then. And every day I come across girls and women, so weak emotionally that they don’t know what they want in their lives or what they are capable of doing. Their ambitions are limited to finding a life partner and that’s all because that’s what they have seen around them. It bread my heart. I wish that we as parents (whenever that happens) don’t fail in our jobs of educating our kids. Not just the schooling at a formal institute but the schooling at home, of a person, of an individual, of a human being. A confident, self sustainable human being whi choses to have a life partner when they want one and not because they have turned a certain age.

    You chose a beautiful topic to write, can’t help say it again 🙂

    • I can’t thank you enough for your appreciation, which is all I need as I start FFS on a new note. Your words speak loud and clear the situation women face still in our part of the world. Till the time we don’t talk about these things, we can’t begin to make the changes we need to make at our level. I completely second you on the point that education of our children at home is something which is our responsibility now to create a concrete changes in the way women think.

      Thank you for such a beautiful comment, it adorns my post now 🙂

    • For us in India, marriages are “big life milestones” and hence, I found this the best way to put this across! But the fact is it holds true for everyone, no matter where they are 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

  • Love this and very true I believe! I think this is very much all that you should figure out not just before marriage but before actually getting into any kind of relationship.. (most of it, that is).

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